Aaargh.

Oh god, my skin is driving me fucking insane. I’ve got pretty bad eczema, and for the last few weeks it’s gone absolutely apeshit. I mean, I itch constantly, all the time, I always want to scratch… but right now it’s unbearable. I look down at my scabby, dry, cracked and torn arms and legs, and I just want to scratch them even more. I want to rake and tear at the dry, flaky limbs… I want to rip  the scabs off, just for that brief moment of relief. Of course, it doesn’t last, and the cycle continues. Right now, my skin is pretty badly infected. I try and keep it clean, and moisturised. I’ve had two separate courses of anti-biotics, and they’ve had no effect. My feet are so swollen… it hurts to walk, to bend, to move…. it just hurts. And there’s patches of it in my hair, wet, seepy rashes sticking and matting itself to my hair…

IT’S DRIVING ME FUCKING INSANE.

And Ceri has to put up with scratching and tearing at myself all night long, filling the bed sheets with dust and dead skin and scabs… oh god, it sickens me, I’m disgusting, my body’s disgusting, and the smell… all day and all night all I can smell is this awful, sour decay. I know it’s just the creams, and ointments and bath emollients, but to my mind it’s just disease and decay.

I should be used to it now, I really should. But I haven’t been this low because of it since I was 15, my last real bad bout. I’ve got a doctor’s appointment, again, in a few days. Can’t say I’m brimming with confidence that it’ll lead to anything good though. And I don’t hold with natural medicines, herbal stuff and all that. Don’t know why. I just don’t. Maybe it’ll get so bad one day I’ll cave in and try it. I don’t know.

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